By mid-November, things were clear: I was head over heels in love with Irina. But the truly good part was that she liked me back.
I wanted her like a madman, but aside from some kisses and fleeting touches, my beloved offered me absolutely nothing more.
People who play blindfold chess can see the board with their eyes closed. They don’t need to look at it. Similarly, I had come to know Irina’s anatomy from the waist up perfectly. From the belly button down, however, Irina was a great mystery to me.
Everyone knows that twenty-one-year-old boys don’t like mysteries very much.
What was worse was that our little game of “Don’t touch there!” had consequences that were making me sick. Literally. Every time I walked my girlfriend home, I would leave her with a searing pain in my testicles.
From Irina’s apartment building to the tram stop was only about twenty steps, but I couldn’t take those steps normally anymore. With each step, it felt like a sadist hiding behind me was kicking me hard in the balls.
“Heavens,” I said to myself, “I’m sick! So young and already sick? What did I do wrong? Why me? Why?”
The heavens didn’t answer, so I buried my nose in the shelves of the city library. Back then, it wasn’t like now, when you could ask all sorts of nonsense on search engines. In those days, I hadn’t even heard of the internet.
I delved into studying more seriously than a future medical student. That’s how I learned a bit about the intimate anatomy of both sexes, about how babies are made, and other terribly embarrassing things, but no book mentioned anything about the pains that tormented me.
I gave up studying anatomy, went home confused, and regretfully started making trips to the bathroom again. I was absolutely convinced that my nightly concerns would bring me a speedy recovery, so I went like a thief and masturbated even twice a night.
For the moment, my method worked, but after meeting HER again, the pains reappeared more atrociously. They drove me completely nuts.
“This is pure mockery!” I groaned at night with my head on the pillow. “It’s a nightmare!”
My morale hit rock bottom. Out of necessity, I confessed to my mother that I absolutely needed to see a doctor and, blushing to the tips of my ears, I roughly explained where my problem was located.
“Let’s hope it’s nothing serious,” my mother said, worried.
The next day, my father took over.
“So you say your balls hurt after you meet girls?” he asked mockingly. “Serves you right! Come on, don’t make that face!” he added, bored. “What are you scared of? It’s normal to hurt, that’s why you have balls. This happens because you’ve never been with a woman.”
“That’s not true,” I muttered. “I’ve been with plenty.”
“Don’t feed me bullshit!” he shot back. “It’s obvious you’re a virgin! Do you want me to get you a woman? If you want, it can be arranged.”
“I don’t want it! I can handle it myself. I’m a man.”
“Good, that’s what I like to hear! And since we’re on the subject,” he added, bored, “stop jerking off in the bathroom! Your mother is worried. So am I. Do you want to go completely crazy? Wake up, son! You’re turning twenty-one soon.”
I felt like the wall I was leaning against was opening up behind me. My father turned to leave and added with his hand on the door handle:
“In the bathroom, people go to piss and shit. For anything else, there are women. Are you sure you don’t want a woman?”
“No,” I sighed, looking at the floor.
***
It was an afternoon like any other. Irina had finished work and taken me with her.
“I’m not going home just yet,” she said, annoyed. “Mom got drunk yesterday and caused a scene. I’ll go home later. Let’s take a walk, Tiberiu, okay?”
Irina’s mother suffered from the same illness as my father, but in a milder form. She didn’t hit anyone or throw plates at the walls.
“So where are we going, Irina?” I asked, a bit worried because I was broke.
“You’ll see!” she replied, smiling.She held my arm tightly. She stopped, took my cheeks in her hands, and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. She was so sweet.Then we started walking, and she pulled me along like a little puppy.
That was the day she bought me a brand-new suit, a shirt, a tie, and a pair of shoes.Until that moment, I thought my mom was the only woman who loved me. Well, I was wrong. I was just discovering that there was another woman in the world who loved me, and it felt damn good.
“This is the nicest thing any woman has ever done for me,” I whispered, overwhelmed.
“Really?” she giggled, looking at me dreamily.
“Yes. And I also believe you love me, Irina! If this isn’t love, then I don’t know what love is. I love you, Irina!”
I hugged her so tight her bones creaked.
“I know you love me,” she whispered after catching her breath. “And I love you because… you love me.”
“Just because of that?”
“Actually, I think I’d love you anyway,” she added, kissing me gently on the cheek. “What’s happening, I wonder? Is it normal to love you this quickly? What did you do to me?”
I placed the packages and bags on a bench and pulled her into my arms again. I sat there holding her.
“I want you,” I said, looking into her eyes.
Irina pressed her forehead to mine.
“And I want you too, but you need to be patient with me. It will happen… someday.”
“But I want you now, today!” I protested, scared. The word “someday” didn’t sit well with me at all.
“Hmm. What are you talking about?” she asked, laughing. “Today? I don’t think what you want will happen today, boy! Just look…”
“Why? Why not today?”
I felt like a child who had received a new toy and then had it snatched away.
She suddenly stopped laughing and looked very serious at me, then asked:
“Tiberiu, do you know my mother?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, I know your mother very well!” I thought bitterly. “I hate her! I wish you were an orphan.”
“But have you met my father?” she continued, looking at me sadly.
“No.”
“Neither have I. I haven’t met him either! That’s why I don’t want to sleep with you today. I’m waiting until we get married.”
Whoa, the problem was getting worse. The conversation was heading into dangerous territory. I tried to turn it into a joke:
“Maybe your mother had you all by herself,” I said, smiling, and continued in my mind:“Seriously, who the hell would sleep with that monkey? She’s ugly as sin! What a strange mystery! From such a hideous woman came an angel like you, Irina. It’s a mystery.”
“Don’t think it’s easy for me,” she murmured sadly. “At least you know who your father is. But when I asked my mom about my father, all I got was a shrug. Maybe she doesn’t even know who my father is. When she had me, she drank too much and loved life too much. That’s all I found out from her. Sometimes she drives me crazy, Tiberiu! I see her drinking every day and destroying herself. She stays home all day, doing nothing but watching TV and drinking. Sometimes she doesn’t even watch TV. I’m telling you all this so you know who you’re getting involved with. Tell me, do you really want me?”
I sighed. I held her in my arms for minutes, kissing her cheeks without either of us saying a word. Eventually, I took out a cigarette, lit it, and asked Irina casually:
“How old is your mother? Fifty? Fifty-five?”
“She’s forty-eight,” Irina answered with her forehead in her hands, “but she looks like she’s sixty. Alcohol has destroyed her. She’s become a wreck, God help her!”
“Yeah, it seems your old lady led a terribly interesting life. And now it looks like she’s paying the price.”
Irina looked me in the eyes and whispered with a frown:
“I don’t want to have an interesting life. Understand? I like things to be clear.”
Damn it! She always managed to bring it back to that.
“Honestly,” I told myself, “why not? I love her anyway. I couldn’t love another woman. What’s the point of waiting until after graduation?”
I breathed heavily, as if a millstone had been lifted off my shoulders.
“Alright then,” I said suddenly. “If that’s the case… I’ll go ask your mother for your hand. I want to do things properly.”
“And where will we live, Tiberiu?” she asked with a sad smile. “Alright, we’ll get married. How will we live afterward?”
“Well, we’ll live with you,” I replied, taking a drag from my cigarette. The cigarette had suddenly become terribly bitter. I choked on the smoke, coughed, and continued: “We definitely can’t live with my parents. My dad is a man… you just can’t get along with. In any way. At least your mother won’t beat us,” I said, laughing.
“Alright,” she said simply. “When will you introduce me to your parents?”
“Dammit!” I thought. “This is going to be a mess! You should see my dad’s face!”
I sighed and took another drag from the cigarette.
Yes, it was really bitter!
The smoke smelled like dried cat poop.
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